


Send My Condolences to Good

by Chash



Series: Miss Atomic Bomb [8]
Category: The Immortals - Tamora Pierce, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 22:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1874742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daine is making friends over the summer; Numair may or may not be going to hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Send My Condolences to Good

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sadcypress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadcypress/gifts).



> I realize I never actually stated this, so in case you were worried, Numair and Daine will definitely not get in a relationship before she's eighteen. Underage crush, yes, underage girlfriend, no.

"You look like you're having the time of your life," Daine remarks to Numair. Numair scowls at her reflexively, which puts her in an even better mood.

"It's eight in the morning and there is a bus full of very noisy children on its way to us," he says, handing her a coffee. "I don't see how you're so cheerful."

"The sun is shining and I like kids," Daine says. "And you got me coffee."

"Yours is a happy nature." He yawns loudly. "Alanna is fine, by the way. She says hello."

Daine nods, frowning a little. "Glad to hear. What happened, if you don't mind me asking?"

"It's a long story," he says. "I only just learned all the details of it myself. I knew she had a rocky history with her father, but it came to an explosive head and--" he makes a face. "I don't know how to explain this without taking too long and sounding too ridiculous. Her father disowned her."

Daine stares. "I didn't know that still happened! _Does_ that still happen?"

"The very rich are different from you and me," says Numair. "A misquotation, but apropos."

"Is she very rich? Or, was she, I suppose."

"You haven't heard of the Trebond Corporation?"

"Oh, is that her? I don't know much about it, but I know the name. I hadn't made the connection."

"It's her father, yes. She is no longer associated with them, from what I understand."

Daine narrows her eyes at him. "From what you understand? You're awful laid back about this!" she shouts, her accent coming out stronger as she loses her temper, like it always does. "You should be helping her out more! What are you doing here when she's having troubles? And you not even knowing what they are!"

Numair blinks and actually takes a step back. "I--told her I'd help however I could?" he offers, confused. "There's only so much I can do. It's her bu--"

"She's your girlfriend! That makes it your business too!"

There's a long pause. "No," he finally says. "She's not. My girlfriend."

Daine stops short and looks at him. She feels herself flushing. "She's not?"

"No."

"But you brought her cat in. She said her cat lived with her boyfriend. Being as she lives in the dorms."

"Yes," he says slowly. "The cat does live with her boyfriend. His name is George. He works nights, so the appointment was a little early for him. She asked if I would be willing to do it. We've been friends for several years."

"Oh," says Daine, deflating. "Well. That's different, then."

"Were Alanna my girlfriend, I would probably be better informed about this," Numair says. "As she is not, I'm not kept as up to date on what's happening."

"Oh," Daine says again. She's spared from any further response by the arrival of the bus, and she shifts her focus from Numair to the children. "Good morning, campers!" she says. "I'm Daine, and this is my friend Numair. I'm studying zoology, and he's studying botany. Can anyone tell me what zoology is?"

One of the girls shouts, "Animals!"

"That's right, the study of animals. And botany?"

"Plants!"

"You're good!" says Daine. "Now, we're going to take you around the woods and see what plants and animals we can find! Is everyone ready?" The kids cheer; Daine glances back at Numair and offers him a sheepish smile. "Ready, Numair?"

Numair smiles back. "Ready."

*

Daine yawns and stretches, cracking her neck. "I'm starved," she tells Numair, rubbing her face. "What are you doing now?"

Numair yawns himself; he should stop going out with Alanna on Sunday nights. "Nothing in particular. I have some papers to review, but it's not pressing."

"Do you want to get dinner then?"

Numair wonders if there's a way to discreetly excuse himself and text Alanna to check if going out to dinner with a seveteen-year-old girl he's attracted to is really kosher. Having thought more on their previous interactions, and having seen Daine interact more with other people, he came to the conclusion that she has not ever purposefully flirted with him, and he's probably reading into things. So this is a platonic invitation to dinner, and he should accept or decline it on those terms.

"Numair?" Daine asks, frowning. He should also probably not lapse into long periods of silent contemplation so often.

"Dinner," he says, smiling. "Yes, let's get dinner."

They go to some vegetarian diner Daine likes that he's never been to; the hostess greets her by name and gives Numair a look that makes him suspect he will be strung up if he sets even a foot out of line.

"I used to work here in high school," Daine explains, apparently oblivious to the implied threat on Numair's life. "Onua, she's the owner, kind of took me in after Ma died. She was in foster care herself, so she hires a lot of us."

She says it breezily, almost aggressively casual, like she's daring Numair to comment. He'd like to, honestly; he doesn't know much about Daine. He only found out how old she was when she told him why she hadn't applied to be a full-time counselor for the camp they're working with-- _oh, you have to be eighteen_. Her past life is a mystery.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he says, and rethinks it immediately. "About your mother, obviously. I'm glad someone was there to help."

There's a pause, and then Daine laughs. "You know, you're fair strange."

"Am I?"

"Half the time, you act like just another dumb college student, and the other half you're so buttoned up I think you'll pop. You can relax, you know. I'm not going to bite your head off."

"You bit my head off this morning," Numair says, trying out a teasing tone. She might not have all the details, but she is right. He's nervous around her, and it's stupid. They're friends. "For mistreating a woman I wasn't dating."

Daine laughs and kicks him lightly under the table. "I said I was sorry!"

"You didn't, in fact," Numair says, smiling. "But it was implied."

"Well, I'm sorry." There's a pause and then she bursts out with, "But what was I supposed to think? You brought her cat in. Her cat she said lived her boyfriend."

"It was a reasonable assumption. I probably would have thought the same." He smiles at her. "But I'll try to be more relaxed around you. Now that that's been cleared up."

"And I'll try not to bite your head off, so long as you treat your real girlfriend right."

"I have no real girlfriend to mistreat," says Numair. "So it shouldn't be a problem."

"Oh," says Daine, and he does not allow himself to read into her tone. He just changes the subject to other things.

Alanna would be proud, once she stopped laughing at him.

*

Numair texts Daine the next Monday morning, saying he's running late and asking if she'll pick up the coffee. Maud's, his favorite coffee shop, is on her way, and she's surprised to see Alanna behind the counter, hiding a yawn in her arm. "Morning," she says. "No wonder Numair always comes here."

"Morning," says Alanna, through another yawn. She blushes. "Sorry, I'm not usually on this shift, I'm not used to being awake this early."

"It's fine," says Daine, smiling. "Is everything--okay? I know you've had a lot going on."

"Yeah, it's better now. Thank you for asking." She manages a bright smile. "What can I get you?"

"Whatever Numair usually gets and a caramel latte for me. Both large."

"Another nature walk today?"

"Yeah." Daine grins. "It's fair funny to see Numair on them. He's terrified of children."

Alanna snickers. "I had no idea."

"Maybe not terrified, he just doesn't know what to do with them. They love him. They all want him to tell them about plants and their families and their favorite dinosaurs, and he doesn't know what to do. How's Faithful?"

"He's doing well. He's started trying to get out of the apartment, we're talking about if we think we should let him."

"I don't know," Daine says, clucking her tongue. "It's a lot safer to keep them inside, and he's young. But I don't know how long Faithful was living outside before you found him. He'll probably have trouble getting used to it. Where does your boyfriend live? How's the traffic?"

They chat about the pros and cons of outdoor cats until Daine's alarm goes off. She waves to Alanna and runs over to the park, shoving Numair's coffee at him and barely getting herself in order before the campers arrive.

"Thanks," Numair says mildly. "Maybe I should have gone after all; apparently I wasn't running _so_ late." Daine bumps his shoulder, and he bumps back.

It makes her feel all lit up inside, being so friendly with him. She liked having him as her TA; he was smart and engaging, much better than the professor. But it's even better feeling like they're equals.

The first off the bus is Kaddar, Daine's favorite of the counselors, and he grins and waves. Numair scowls, but Daine assumes that's the stream of kids following behind him. She elbows him. "You'll be fine, you big baby," she tells him. "They like you."

"Hm?" says Numair.

"Kids like you. I don't know why you even signed up for this, you always look like you're going to get killed."

"I like kids," he says petulantly. Before she can respond, he launches into the welcome speech, and they divide the campers up, assigning half of them to his scavenger hunt for plants and half to hers for animals. She ends up falling into step with Kaddar while Numair gets dragged off by a tiny blonde girl who wants to show him every plant in the forest. It's adorable.

"You're going to be a sophomore next year?" Kaddar asks.

"Yeah," says Daine, tugging her focus off Numair and his new friend with an effort. "Why?"

"I'm going to be a freshman. But I don't think I'll be able to get used to thinking of you as a wise elder," he teases.

Daine laughs and elbows him. "Watch out, I've already hired on to work for the biology department next semester, you should be careful what you say to me."

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind." He clears his throat. "Actually, I was hoping--"

"Hey Daine!" One of the campers, Neal, runs over with a frog, Kel fast on his heels. "Check it out, look what I caught!"

Kel kicks him in the ankle. "You did not, I caught it. You just said you wanted to hold it." She looks to Daine and sobers, face going straight. She starts to bow and then stops, straightening awkwardly. "I'm sorry for interrupting."

"This is why you should never trust your elders," says Neal, apparently feeling no such contrition. "What kind is it? It's not on our list."

"You really shouldn't catch them, Kel," Daine chides gently. It's hard to be upset with her, she's only ten; Neal's twelve and should know better. "Just think how you'd feel if someone picked you up and took you away from home."

"I remember where I got him," Kel says. "I put down a stone so I can bring him back exactly where he came from. But I wanted to know what kind he was and he'd hop away if I brought you to him."

Daine smiles and leans down to inspect the frog, which is a pickerel. By the time she's done, Numair is talking to Kaddar, and when they're done, neither of them quite meets her eyes for the rest of the day.

*

"That's like a seven," Jon decides.

"I'd say nine," says Alanna.

"How old is she again?" asks Raoul.

"Seventeen," says Numair miserably. "Her birthday is next month."

"And how old is he?"

"Eighteen."

"So you suspected an eighteen-year-old boy was trying to ask out the underage girl you have a crush on, so you decided to go over and scare him off?" asks Raoul. "Just so I have this straight."

"It sounds even worse when you just say it straight out," Alanna remarks. She's enjoying this far too much.

"I'm going to hell, right?"

"Yeah, that's at least a nine. That might be a ten."

"I said zero was newborn puppies and ten was war crimes," says Numair. "It's not a _war crime_."

George comes back from serving a group of girls at the other end of the bar. "No, but--if you're not askin' her out, you shouldn't stop anyone else doin' it either. That's not fair. And it's kind of creepy."

"And George is our resident expert on creepy stalking," Alanna says, grinning.

"It's not stalking!" Numair protests. "It's just creepy. Oh god," he groans. "I'm definitely going to hell. What do I do now? Do I apologize to him?"

"What exactly did you say?" Alanna asks.

"It was like I was in a bad gangster movie," Numair moans. "I told him how important our Daine was to everyone at the university, and how upset we'd be if anyone were to hurt her and--" he rubs his face. "I have no idea what came over me."

"You seem genuinely remorseful," says Raoul. "I'll downgrade you to an eight. I think you should be very nice to him for the rest of the trip and not interfere with them at all."

"No, don't be very nice to him," Jon says. "That'll just make him suspicious. He'll think you're planning something. It's the oldest trick in the book."

"You are playing from a very different book than I am," says Raoul.

"Come on, someone gives you a talking to and then they're really overly friendly? They're obviously plotting something. I'd be plotting something."

"None of this is helping," Numair says gloomily. He thunks his head down onto the bar. He's not sure he's ever had a visit to the Dancing Dove that didn't end with him face down in despair.

"Are you sure you're twenty-five?" Alanna asks. "Because you're acting like you're fifteen, which means it wouldn't actually be creepy if you hit on her."

Numair flips her off without lifting his head up.

*

Daine discovers the Dancing Dove by accident. She's on her way home from work on Thursday and, out of nowhere, it just starts to _pour_. She's half soaked when she sees the open sign and slips in, shaking out her hair and sleeves as she makes her way to the bar. There's a redheaded boy chatting with the lanky bartender, but they stop when the bartender spots her and whistles.

"Must really be comin' down out there," he remarks. "You look half drowned."

The redhead turns and Daine squints. "Alanna?"

Alanna smiles sheepishly. "Hello, Daine." Her voice is a little deeper than usual. She glances back at the bartender. "George, this is Daine, she works at our vet's office. Daine, this is my boyfriend, George Cooper. Just ignore his flirting, he does it to everyone."

"You can't tell her that, darlin'," he chides easily. "Then she'll think she's not special."

Alanna snorts. "Well, we can't have that. Just remember, she's seventeen."

Daine doesn't remember ever telling Alanna that, but she lets it go. "Do you have anything warm on your menu?" she asks George. "Soup, maybe?" Between her wet clothes and the AC in the bar, she's starting to shiver.

"There's chili," he says, giving her a smile. "Beef or vegetarian."

"Daine, why don't you order something and come upstairs with me," Alanna suggests. "George's apartment is up there, you can say hi to Faithful and I'll find some clothes you can borrow. And by the time we get back down, your food will be ready."

"You don't mind?" Daine asks. "I don't want to put you out."

"I don't mind," says Alanna. "Come on." 

Daine orders the beef chili and follows Alanna upstairs. She walks a little differently, wearing the boy's clothes, and even seems like a little bit of a different person.

"Why are you--" Daine blurts out, and then hushes. It's not really her business.

"Dressed up like a boy?" Alanna supplies.

"If you don't mind me asking."

"It's part of why I had that trouble the other week," Alanna says, unlocking the door. Faithful immediately runs over to greet them, scolding Alanna for leaving. She picks him up and kisses his head. "Hush, laddybuck," she tells him. "Not everything is about you. You can have a seat if you'd like," she adds to Daine. "I'll just go get you a towel and see what clothes I can dig up."

"Thanks," says Daine, having a seat at the kitchen table. Faithful jumps up to sit on her lap.

"I used to pretend to be a boy when I went out to bars with my best friend," Alanna explains, tossing her a towel and then heading to the bathroom. "His father's a famous liberal and my father's a famous conservative, so my father didn't want me spending time with him. I used to dress up like my twin brother when I was little, so it seemed like a reasonable solution. My father found out a few weeks ago and was--upset. About the whole thing. Is a dress okay? I think it'll fit better."

"That's fine." There's a pause, and she prompts, "So your da found out?"

"Yeah. That means I don't really have to dress up anymore, since he disowned me and everything, but..." She shrugs, coming back in with a light blue dress for Daine. "I don't know. It's kind of fun. I don't get hit on as much, and it's nice to be a different person sometimes."

"Your boyfriend doesn't mind?"

"No." She smiles at Daine's expression. "I was surprised too. He liked me when he thought I was a boy, and he likes me now that I'm a girl. But he still thinks I make a cute boy."

"Oh."

"Go dry off and get warm," Alanna instructs her.

"Should I call you something different? When you're dressed like that."

"George calls me Alan. But you don't have to. I'm fine either way."

Daine considers it in the bathroom. She's not an expert on this stuff, gender and sexuality and all that. She's not ignorant; she met a lot of LGBT kids in foster care after Ma died. But Alanna doesn't seem like the trans kids she knew. She just seems to like dressing up like a boy sometimes.

And what did that matter, really? Alanna's great. If she doesn't want a label for what she's doing, Daine shouldn't need on either.

The dress is a little short and a little loose, but it's a huge improvement. She dries her hair a little more and checks it in the mirrow and then heads back out to Alanna with her own clothes in a damp pile.

"We'll throw those in the dryer," Alanna says. "By the time you've eaten, they should be done."

"Thanks again. I think I might have frozen down there."

"I'm just glad you came into the Dove so we could help."

Daine smiles. "Me too."

*

Numair nearly has a heart attack when George greets him with, "Your underage girlfriend is here."

"Please stop calling her that," he says, knowing it will be useless.

"We just want to make sure you remember she's underage," George says brightly. "She's upstairs with Alan. Got stuck in the rain. Looks like you did too," he adds, looking Numair up and down. "You want to borrow something of mine?"

"I'm not nearly as wet as I look," says Numair. "I wasn't out for long." He glances around. "She's really here?"

"That's a bad thing?"

"I'm trying to spend less time with her."

The door from the back opens and Alanna comes down, dressed as Alan, with Daine in a pale blue dress that shows off much more of her legs than he's previously seen.

Numair is going to hell.

"Numair!" she says, lighting up. Then she laughs. "You're soaked!"

"It's really not as bad as it looks," he says. "Hello, Daine. I didn't know you were a customer here."

"I wasn't. But if the chili is good, I might come back."

George grins. "Now that sounds like a challenge," he says. "Hope we don't disappoint." He winks at her, and Daine flushes. Numair glares at George over the girl's head, which is about as effective as glaring at the bar. George just doesn't care.

Alanna sighs, shaking her head. "What did I ever do to deserve such an incurable flirt?"

"Must've been real good in your last life," George tells her. Daine giggles.

It's really not fair George gets to flirt with her and he can't. George is older than he is. "If you're quite done," says Numair. "I'd like to order myself."

"Of course, darlin'," says George. "My apologies for neglectin' you so long. What can I do for you tonight?"

Right, that's why George gets away with it. He's George. "How's the chili, Daine? Worth coming back for?"

"I think I might, yeah." She glances over at Numair. "You come here a lot?"

"Once or twice a week. It allows me to pretend I have a social life. I'll have chili too, George. And a beer."

"Comin' right up."

"Might be nice to have a place to go out to," Daine muses. "If you're here."

Numair is either supremely blessed or supremely cursed. But there's really only one response to that. "You're welcome any time. Alanna's here most nights, and I'd be happy to tell you when I'm coming."

Alanna gives him a look somewhere between amused and exasperated. Which is honestly about how he feels about the entire thing. "That would be great," says Daine. "If you don't mind having a kid hanging around," she adds, blushing a little. That's just _unfair_.

"Just don't try to give me any fake IDs," George says. "And we'll do alright."

Daine still seems to want reassurance from _Numair_ , unfortunately, and he gives her a smile and ruffles her wet hair. "Of course not. We'd love to have you."

She beams at him, and Numair smiles back helplessly.

Straight to hell.

*

On Monday, he takes Kaddar aside and apologizes. "I got carried away last week," he says. "I tend toward being overprotective, and since she's young--" He manages a genuinely apologetic smile. "It was inappropriate of me to speak to you about it."

"Thanks," says Kaddar, still looking a little confused about the whole thing. "I was surprised."

Numair shrugs. "As I said, I tend toward being overprotective. But it was wrong of me, and I'm sorry."

"I appreciate the apology." He glances over at Daine. "I was going to ask her out," he admits.

Numair grits his teeth but manages a smile. "Then you should."

He's probably still going to hell, but he feels like a slightly better person.

It doesn't help much.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic of] Send My Condolences to Good](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2465666) by [knight_tracer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/knight_tracer/pseuds/knight_tracer)




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